Urethra's a Ruby-Throated's Beak

He does not like what the sky does ever. Puts it down, the sky down. Too hot or too cold or it does nothing for him. He asks this girl sitting in front of him in the car if she is saying "oh" at a construction pit on the left side, was maybe the left side. She's all white, mean like, old paste with some pink parts in it, that is her skin. So you could see she feels shame for making sound out loud to a pit. Someone told her at maybe age 7 to put that away, "hide your shame." But now this day she still doesn't know what it was meant at. Did she do a thing wrong or was a part of her body showing? Can't know it now. Nothing happening in the sky that makes his stomach pre-retch but he goes on says out loud in the car that he wants to find the lord. But no place feels good to him.

 

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"My memory is so poor I would be glad if I could repeat, in case they've been lost, some of the things which I was told were well said. If the Lord doesn't make me remember, I will gain just by tiring myself and getting a worse headache for the sake of obedience."
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But this was on the right side out the window--man on the street in a baby blue shirt and he can't stand up straight next to a woman standing on the curb so she looks a little taller than normal--how tall he is--she has on a shirt with a drawing of Taz on it, maybe made at home. They are sharing turns trying to drop kick a plastic bag. Empty bag but probably used kind of dirty. She yanks it down to try to make it move faster, too slow if she just let it go from her hand above her head, has to yank it down toward her foot to kick. Looks like it makes them tired. He can't kick. He puts his foot out a little but bag does not reach it before he has to put it back down. He has on those socks that make ankles tight, like ankles do not fit in the sock--like packets for sausage. Looks like they don't like to do it but maybe they have to. Never saw if they kicked that bag.

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How does someone feel clean in a clinic. Clinic is so clean so. Anything that isn't washed in a clinic looks dirty, but really dirty. All the pilling on the shirt looks gross in that room for the exam and some stuff from bread under the nails--everyone can tell it is there. Some of the hair is on the back of the jacket hanging on it just looks trashy because of all the light in the ceiling really bright. But she looks fine when they put her back out to the street just so bad in the clinic.

Same stuff on the table in there like last time. All things on dark blue mat on a steel table has wheels. Maybe a red cord. Red cord made of rubber it is a tube it is as long as a tall man's arm. Big swab, long swab in a package. Gel on scratchy cotton that they use for a cut. Does not look like enough gel for the job but also looks too little to not stare at. How long has it been sitting out. Some mix looks like blood but it maybe is to wash body before tube goes in. Yeah. To wash part. Cup's got a green top for piss. Knows where it is all going. But how much tube can go in. Doesn't know that. Body kind of smells wants to wash self more before but too late. Take off clothes sit on white pad but has lite blue all around it. Feet sit on top of metal thing to make her part get wider.

This man puts a thing over her, hide her part from herself. Only can feel it. Puts some cold stuff on, leaks down he kind of pats inside legs to get it off while it still is leaking down, does not get all of it off. Cold stuff maybe gel, goes in to the folds. Drain and to drain he has a tube you can see through but small like a needle goes inside the part, feels like a popping. Hurts really hurts. Can feel her part draining out and can hear it in the cup. This man holds the red tube up above his head like those bags they have and they fill full of salt water or some kind of thing to go into a body to make it think it is getting water in a hospital. So then a mix in the red tube that makes the blood weaker and also in the mix a thing that makes her not feel it as bad is going into her part. Through the clear tube small part is sucking it up. Heard one time when a baby drinks from mom's chest it is called 'suckling.' So that is what her part is doing to the mix in the tube, suckling but the other way. He tells her to move ankles back and forth so he can pull out the tubes. Hurts so bad. Suckling but the other way. She has to lay on side.

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It goes on. The body loops. 7 year platelet replacement. 

A sublime indignity. It's ok.

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‘Whiteness in wateriness’

White body’s got a babyblue patina / frame acting a hilt for harness. Their heads swell down to a fixed smile, does not fade / hooked lips deliver false jocularity out to you / to me. Not what it feels / for real. That heft with sheen’s caught chafing, a rubbing gone on years under tan nylon strap / with it for so long a hue-of-sap residue’s building on the strands. A little loosening -- still on. Blisters pulse a hot pink in rings / water slips a cover to hide from sight tho. In Bunu / white is water. So / this saddling’s really wrong because they’re really pure -- ‘whiteness in wateriness.’ Matching transparency of what it is in / as clear in own substance as that of its host -- that liquid. In a home we try it / to get in a shape it mimics. At night fill hollow porcelain -- shape of it aping the belly of these whales. Our whole body in and under a density / floating, and most of us hold no fact for it--like Fanta bottles at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. But they are still bound, even at night / somewhere that Russian bathes in a recall -- of pulling the belts across it taut.

[Funfun]